Five Minute Friday: Afraid

I need to learn to be fearless like this boy here

Five Minute Friday: join the fun here.

From the moment Luke was concieved I was afraid. I was crying not tears of joy, but tears of fear. I was so afraid of what having a baby would entail. I was so afraid of going through the birth, I'd only ever been in hospital once and that was because I fell off the monkey bars on my second week at school and needed two stitches. It turns out I didn't need a cesearean and I actually got through the birthing process okay.

And then having a baby obviously brings up all kinds of fear. Within the first two weeks of Luke's life I was looking for answers as to why things were happening. Sleep deprived, I cried at the doctors, I cried at the pharmacy, as nobody could tell me a straight textbook answer I was looking for. I turned into an anxious mess, so scared that I would put a foot wrong.

And you know, the fear kept going. As you expose yourself to a whole wide network of mothers through instagram, facebook, blogs, twitter, articles and the like, you find yourself drowning in expectations. And while you are told that every child is different, you can't help but feel like your doing it wrong because other kids are sleeping through the night, or everyone else has time to sew and bake.

I read a book called Spirit Led Parenting which helped eleviate some of the fear. Still I seemed to drown in the expectations of others, but I am learning to take some time away from technology and breathe.

Because in the end, the experts in the books and the 'supermum' of a friend of a friend of mine aren't raising my baby. I am.

Compassion

This morning at Church Tim Hanna from Compassion Australia came to speak. Before he did, though,  he showed this short film.

 

A few parts of this film got to me. But perhaps the biggest part was when one of the men talked about how he watched his 10 month old sister die in the arms of his mother from starvation.

20 minutes prior to seeing this I had woken up my sleepy head of a 10 month old, carried him to Sunday School and left him there as I went on to church without him. The biggest of his worries would be no food for an hour, and whether he would play with a truck or a ball downstairs.

I read recently in Lisa Bevere's book Nurture about babies dying in Africa because the mother herself didn't have enough nutrition to supply milk in her breasts. While we are so blessed to have the breast or bottle option, and what seeming to be the biggest worry of that decision is whether we will be judged for the choice we make.

And then our pastor showed us a video of his recent trip to Salatiga in Indonesia, where he and his family were breaking down in tears visiting his sponsor child of 22 years. I was fighting back tears. At the end as the band sang a song and images flashed of different children of different cultures with big smiling faces, I looked to the ground and bit my lip and tried so hard not to cry. Some of the faces were so obviously Indonesian (there's just this look about them), confirmed by the sight of the red and white Indonesian flag in the background.

I know people get all cynical about child sponsorship and the like, but I urge you, please, consider sponsoring a child today. We know, for a fact, that sometimes in countries such as Indonesia there is a lot of problems with corruption with money, that's why sponsoring a child through an Australian (or any other trusted international organisation) is a fantastic way to help others in the world. And when our money can go so far in a place like Indonesia - wow. It's a bit more than just giving a cup of water to the least of these.

I haven't got much more to say, other than, click here and sponsor a child today.

Happy Birsday to me

I was lucky enough to spend my birthday in Jakarta this year. It was really special, as I have never had a birthday in Indonesia before. This was quite honestly the best birthday, ever.

Luke woke me up simultaneously with the sound of the mosque at around 5am. We often woke up at this time with the rest of Jakarta going for prayer or getting ready for work. My mother and father in law go out for sport at this time, so we decided to go out as well.

First we went to the local 'traditional' market. They sell food, clothes and goldfish. I have always liked this more 'cultural' aspect of Indonesia rather than the big shopping malls of Jakarta. It is something that I have struggled with since constantly visiting Jakarta, as it's not the Indonesia I grew to know and love.

The market is near my sister in laws house, so I texted her and said that we were just around the corner. She responded in about 12 seconds with a text that said "come here". So in we got into sang kotak (my pet name for Hendrik's dying box car with no aircon) and drove around the corner to my sister in laws house.

Ros, the maid opened the gate and ushered us in. Then, from around the corner my two sister in laws were singing, "happy birrrrsssssday to youuuuu, happy birrrrsssday to youuuuuu." (I love that their Indonesian accent even comes through in song). They presented me a cake with the big numbers '26' on top. I posed for a photo as the wax dripped onto the cake, my cheeks aching as my sister in law was trying to look for how to take a photo on her tablet. Finally, here it is -

It was a cheese cake. Literally. Cheese. Indonesians like the whole cheese and sweet thing combination. Chocolate and cheese, banana and cheese... This was a sponge cake with shredded cheese on top. And some wax for taste.

I even got a present... wrapped in Christmas paper!

Now, we wouldn't be in Indonesia if we didn't have our inaugral seafood feast. I love that in Jakarta we can eat seafood for the same price as a large big mac meal and a sundae. The only catch is you have to eat with your hands - which is great fun none the less.

They had a big fish pond. Luke has since started saying "ish" (fish - we have a tank at home and he loves it).

Somewhere they said that we were entitled to a birthday cake and noodles if it was my birthday. I didn't bring my passport as proof of date of birth, but luckily I had my Australian Drivers Licence (I tried to pretend it was a student card to get a discount once, didn't work.)

I got a little more than a cake and noodles. Suddenly four staff members came in, banging buckets and singing, "happy birrrrssssday too youuuuuuu..." (yep, same accent as my sister in laws). They even had sparklers! Luke watched in shock as I went up the front to collect my gifts!

In Indonesia they believe that noodles represent a long life, so they always eat these on their birthday. Red eggs represent prosperity, and I think that is more a Chinese thing. So eating noodles and red eggs is kind of like saying, live long and prosper!

I even got a coconut drink!

And this is (part of) the lovely family I married into. My Dad in law, Mum in law, two sister in laws (what is the plural of 'sister in law!?), Luke, Hendrik and my brother in law (he married sister in law).

This was at Bandar Djakarta in Serpong, by the way. If you're ever in Jakarta, I highly recommend this place. The staff went over and beyond to make my birthday extra special!

The evening was pretty uneventful. We ate vegemite on toast sitting on the cool tiles. My inlaws only have one knife, hence why I used a spoon.

A few days later we checked out the new mall Central Park. We had Sushi Tei for dinner, where I got another 'cake':

Hendrik blessed me with a beautiful present, but that shall be in another blog post.

It's funny to think that Jakarta is now under water. I've heard reports that my inlaws are safe. They can't go too far, and there is flooding, but luckily they're up a hill enough that it hasn't reached the house. Thinking of everyone in Jakarta at the moment. Especially the ones who aren't as fortunate and are currently 'swimming' through 2 metres of toxic water.