Sweet Sixteen

My baby is sixteen months old today. My baby. 

It's such a wonder to watch him grow. Wonder as I'm sometimes confused as to how he comes up with some of the things he does.

Finger foods are the biggest thing at the moment. When I hand him a slice of apple he says "key". I've been at a loss to work out where he got this from, so I googled how to say thank you in all of the languages in the world. The closest I could find was in Afrikaans which is dankie.

Luke loves shoes more than his mother. I am the most un-feminine woman in the world when it comes to elegant shoes, having a total collection of about five. I've never got the whole I'm-superficial-I-like-shoes-whatever movement. Luke however, has an obsession with shoes. It's his new favorite word. Shoes mean we are going out. Shoes mean better sounds when I run across the floorboards. The expressions he makes when he talks about shoes make me smile. Shoes! In a high pitched voice. Oh, shoes! In a voice of adoration.

At sixteen months I'm still breastfeeding. There's various reasons for this, one of the main ones being I can't be bothered going through the process of stopping. In Indonesian the children say "nen nen" for a feed (well, the ones old enough), so we have always associated nen nen with feeding. Often Seseme Street seems to be the queue for nen nen. Luke shouting nen nen in desperation and bringing me the purple U-shaped 'nursing' pillow.

Luke is learning to count. I blame this on Seseme Street, Play School and Hendrik. Okay, blame is a strong word, because it's wonderful. Except he only knows the number two. He counts everything. But it's just two, two, two... TWO! (How many is that, Luke?)

We are a bilingual household. Hendrik and I don't notice until someone comes over for dinner that we speak in two, sometimes three languages in one sentence. The main language is English due to us both being lazy. We have a lot of associations with Indonesian in our house, one being mandi which means bath/shower. While Luke doesn't say mandi, whenever I say it he runs to the bath and waits in anticipation for me to turn the tap on.

We love our mandi so much that we just can't wait to jump in!

This kid is the sweetest thing that has ever happened to me. I really struggled in the beginning, and that was based on the fact that I was worried about everybody else around me mothered, and that books told me that I was doing it wrong. One night Hendrik said something that changed everything. He came home after 7 to find me crying on the couch and Luke asleep in my lap after my failed attempts at the cry-it-out method. He said, in this house, it's our rules. And since I have done my own thing, and found my own standard to live up to, all of those strategies are just that. Strategies, not ways of life. He is growing up to be such a marvellous little boy, and many days it is he looking after me as much as it's the other way around.

We've noticed he is starting to do what we do. I think I must cross my arms a lot because he's started to do that a lot. But what I'm hoping is a reflection of how I treat him is found in the incident of the sore knee this morning.

This morning as I had just finished my cup of tea, I spun around on the chair to get up but knocked it really hard on the corner of the desk. I'm sure you can agree that in those first initial seconds the pain is worse than childbirth. I moaned in pain but tried not to make too much of a big deal as Luke was metres away watching Playschool. Seeing that I was distressed, Luke walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. I can only hope that he did this because of how I treat him.

It's then I realised that our kids will reflect us, even at sixteen months. The truth is in the early days I would struggle to just love. I would let him cry and then have a meltdown coated in guilt. I felt like I'd given in to the un-mindset of if you don't let him cry he'll get too dependent on you. I look at myself on a personal level and see how much has changed in these sixteen months - not only in my own ideas about bringing up a little one, but in my character and attitude too.

So, even when I don't feel like it, I bite my lip and I show him love.

The time to start investing in his character is now. 

The Tree Diaries

When I was at uni studying teaching I was told If you fail to plan, plan to fail. As much as this became a mantra that I never seemed to play out when I was actually in my profession, I think that this just isn't true.

I've watched people have plans. More than two of my friends have gone on world trips, then came home and tried for a baby. It is sensible if that's your thing, actually. I had planned to go for a winter visit to see my inlaws which I cancelled because the additional cost of bringing Luke (who is still under 2, by the way) brought the cost up of a cheap airfare through the roof. But yes, if any of your married pals are jetsetting off soon, watch out for the bun-in-the-oven announcement shortly after!

I had plans. Luke wasn't in them. Well, he was, just after I had gone to Amsterdam to frolic in Tulips and gotten an ongoing teaching job and enough money for a holiday house in Bandung. And then I found myself pregnant before I really had anticipated. It wasn't in the plan so early in my marriage. I heard the words in my mind If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. These words resounded in my mind while I was under the impression I had just ruined my life (if anything, I have found it).

Perhaps if I felt amazing during pregnancy I would have felt better about having a baby. So, today I wanted to present to you, the Tree Diaries. These four trees played an important part in my pregnancy...

Exhibit A: Park near my house

I spent most of my spare time in the first timester sleeping. When I look back on it now, it not only was to help me cope with the exhaustion and morning sickness, but also to cope with the feelings that weighed me down.

One particular day, my husband, who has enough energy to climb Ayers Rock after walking there from Melbourne I swear, told me he was going for a walk to the local shopping centre if I would like to come. Although feeling a bit guilty, I declined. About 45 minutes later my phone woke me up - Hendrik telling me he had a surprise for me, and to meet him at the park.

From memory, I think I felt that awful I actually drove. He presented me with a punnet of strawberries and two of those chocolate frozen sundaes. In fact I clearly remember them being Weight Watchers brand. (I was pregnant, come on!)

After about two strawberries and and a spoon of sundae, I felt the sudden urge to vomit. I got up off the picnic rug I had taken out of my trusty Toyota Corolla and headed for the nearest tree to vomit on.

I then proceeded to eat the rest of the sundae and a few more strawberries.

Exhibit B: Fountain Gate Shopping Centre

We decided to head off to watch the sequel to the Johnny English movie starring Rowan Atkinson. I had convinced Hendrik to go after making him watch the first one. In the car I felt queezy and Hendrik asked if we should just go back home. I assured him I would be fine.

As we walked past the ever so classy Fountain Gate Hotel en route to the cinema, I couldn't hold back anymore. I let go of Hendrik's hand and vomitted into the soil of the tree outside. Three women in mini skirts looked at me in disguist. I think they thought I was drunk, although It wasn't even 8pm. Hendrik asked if it would be best if we just went home. I grabbed his hand and dragged him into the cinema to buy a ticket (vomitting makes you feel better!) and closed my eyes in every action scene in the movie.

Exhibit C: Knox 'O-Zone'

In the colder weather, we like to visit a Japanese restaurant for Ramen at this shopping centre. After finishing a big bowl, with it's salty goodness that I craved during pregnancy, I suddenly felt like I wanted to vomit. I looked at the ceiling with tears in my eyes as I fought back the urge. Without saying anything I bolted out of the door and went in search of the non existant toilets. I found a tree, it sufficed the purpose.

Meanwhile Hendrik was apologetically explaining to the owner of the restaurant that their ramen is the nicest in Melbourne, but his wife is pregnant and has been throwing up quite a bit and to not take it personally. I stumbled back into the restaurant as the waiter gave me a cup of warm water.

Exhibit D: My Mum's garden

Big kudos to my high-tech Mum who took this photo and then sent it via Whatsapp. Well done!

When I was pregnant I had the urge to be home a lot. I managed to get home for the local Agricultural Show (and I really hope to take Luke this year!). I bought some doughnuts and probably ate most of them myself. We were heading out at night to go and watch the fireworks that had already started (lucky it's a small town). And yet again, I felt as though I needed to vomit. I asked my Mum to open the house she just locked because I needed the toilet to vomit and quick. She grabbed my shoulders and ushered me in the way of the ground laden with hay and small shrubs as I chucked my guts up. Luke doesn't like doughnuts.

...

I learnt two things through throwing up on trees.

1) There is no room in the world for tree enthusiasts. Every time I was caught photographing these trees I would get funny looks or sly remarks. Although when I took the picture of the first tree a Lady asked me, "so.. you're into the river red gum, eh?" and I explained that I was writing this piece and she actually thought that was really lovely.

2) These trees are still alive today. In fact, what surprised me when I went in search of all four, is that they are in even better condition to what I remember them. My vomit may have even provided good fertiliser for them.

Fail to plan, plan to fail.

The point of sharing all of my tree stories, is that sometimes life doesn't go to plan, and sometimes it can feel like life is vomiting on us. But who knows, maybe it will be great fertiliser for us to flourish from and more than likely, we'll live through it. And like the trees in my photos, I'm surprised at how well they have grown, lucious and green.

So whoever came up with that silly statement about planning and failure, perhaps when things don't go to plan, we can discover something beautiful and unexpected. I know I did.

Stay tuned for the Toilet Diaries coming soon.