A year and a day ago

This is me, a year and a day ago. I was forty weeks and four days pregnant, and I was about to drive across the city, alone. Pregnancy surely had made me crazy, but I thought that with a towel down on my drivers side seat in case my waters broke while travelling, I should be okay.

That night, after eating several spicy chips, a brisk walk to the post box, and taking everything off the shelf, dusting, spray and wiping, and putting it all back neatly, I had my first contraction at about one am. 

It's a cold and windy day in Melbourne. Luke has been good at sleeping. I haven't. Last night I couldn't sleep as my mind was racing about this past year. Luke will be one on Saturday. 

I picked up my iPhone and started to look at photos of the year that had passed. Luke has grown so much, and spiritually and emotionally - so have I.

At about eleven PM, as I was flicking through each photo, one by one, the screen of my iPhone being the only source of light in our room, I heard Luke stir. I walked to his room, picked him up and he nestled his head into my shoulder. He knows when I feel uneasy. I took him back to the room and lied him next to me in bed as I fed him back to sleep. I wanted so bad for him to stay, and for me to cuddle him through the night, but the reality is, none of us can sleep well when there's three in the bed. 

Eventually I drifted back to sleep then the darkness was pierced by the sound of Luke crying. Hendrik went to him as I looked at the time. One AM. One year ago, at exactly this time, I would have gotten my first contraction that hinted that my baby is on the way.

We went to MOPS at church today. He loves it as he gets to play with different toys and children. I came into the room and just watched him for a while. He would look at a child, smile, looking ever so Chinese as his eyes would squint and look like how my mother in law does when she laughs. He would look at another child and laugh and smile again. He was so happy. I then got into his line of sight and when he spotted me crawled over, grabbed my legs and pulled himself up. I picked him up and he held me tight. I held him in front of me and asked if he had had fun, and in response he gave me a big, wet, sloppy Luke 'kiss'.

Looking through those photos again, we have come so far, but looking at him today, and the way he interacts in the world, reminds me that although the baby chapter is coming to an end, and toddlerdom is just around the corner, we are in this journey together. And what a beautiful journey it is and will continue to be.