Bin Night

So I think I have a problem. I crave the approval of others. I want to be liked by every body. I don't know if it's just me being human, and that we all have this inmost desire. If that is the case, a lot of people I know are doing a good job of hiding it with their "I don't care what you think" attitude.

I try to please everybody. And when I feel like I am letting somebody down, I get a great deal of anxiety. It's something I am learning how to let go, particularly after a good conversation with a friend last night. I realise that I have let my guard down, and ended up getting hurt, because of my constant need to feel accepted and loved by everybody.

This morning as we were driving to Church this verse in the bible actually came to mind. It's found in Matthew 10:14, and I remember it from the book Madness by Jossy Chacko (read it, amazing book!). It says, If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet. 

(Disclaimer: I do not often blog about the bible because I am often scared I will make something out of context and somebody will come after me with a pitchfork)

How many times do I try so hard to please somebody, how many times have I wasted my energy, how many times have I just wanted so much to want the approval of somebody, only to be let down, hurt and jealous. I know the answer is simple. Dust my feet, and move on.

And when I say that, I do not mean I completely write people out of my life. I don't mean I stop being a light. I don't mean I stop loving. I don't mean I be a complete cow to that party. No. In fact I still need to act like a decent human being. Undoubtedly there are going to be people in life who let me down, that I don't get along with, or can't get the approval of. No. Matter. What. If I am in a workplace and this happens I still need to be professional (oh, the perks of not working). It's not about being fake. It's about being human, and where applicable, professional.

I am loved. YOU are loved. Just not by everybody, and that's okay. Put your energy into loving where love is welcome, or where love has a chance. Don't waste time. Be wise. Guard your heart.

Once I actually got to church (late), we put Luke into Sunday School and waded through the crowd, knocking over a few people who were lost in a worship song as we scrambled for a seat. The pastor came up and quoted the message version of Galations 5:19-21

It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalising everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. 

Have you noticed what I have hi-lighted here? This all relates to my constant wanting to be accepted by everybody! I was mind blown at how relevant this was for me.

The pastor stood next to two wheelie bins. One said "Garbage", the other said "recycle". He then unpacked each of these things, having them on big bits of paper, explaining them briefly and then throwing them in the bin. He kept repetitively saying, "in the bin, in the bin!"... it was such a powerful illustration. Well, it was for me, anyway.

He then unpacked the characteristics that God loves and put them in the recycling bin, found in Galations 5:22-23 (MSG):

But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

And kind of like an orchard bearing fruit over and over, is the same concept recycling by reusing and reusing.

So, I guess today at church you could say I learnt that God loves recycling. I'm not going to chase after the constant need to feel loved anymore. Instead, I'll just love and see what happens. Peace.

(PS- if this post really floated your boat and you'd like to watch the sermon online, visit this website and eventually it will be put up online).