big fat 34

So I'm a big fat 34 weeks pregnant. Which is a good way to be if you're pregnant, I guess. Being big and fat.

My husband likes to read articles. He tells me all the time that he read something in an article. When he says the words, "I read in an article..." I instantly mock him and roll his eyes. But then he told me that in his latest reading on detik.com or wherever, that women who blog are less likely to develop post natal depression. Interesting. Inspiring.

And this is the part where I'm going to be incredibly honest. Some people may be shocked:

This. Pregnancy. Has. Been. The. Hardest. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Been. Through!

Okay, I can breathe again. It took me a lot to admit that. And if you're thinking in your mind, ohhh she hasn't even been through the birth yet - then don't! I'm really over comments like this! Every time I post anything mildly innocent on facebook it seems everyone gives me their 2c worth.

So starting from the start, and trying not to be to open here. I came back from a lovely trip from Indonesia feeling unwell. At first I thought it was jetlag, then realised I was pregnant. A test confirmed this and I cried because I wasn't scared. I didn't know the first thing about being pregnant, what to do, how to cope. I was in no way mentally prepared. I wanted to have a baby, but I wanted to be ready. I called up some of my best friends straight away (it was really late at night) and they reassured me that everything would be okay. Thank you.


Eeek. Too open already. Ooops.


Losing my job earlier in the year I was still weighing up what I wanted to 'do'. My career was in a strange kind of limbo but I knew now was not the time to concentrate on my career.

I decided to keep the 'news' fairly low key. It became facebook official around 20 weeks. Facebook official pretty much means that anyone can know now...

I had been sick from the start. I had constant nausea and throwing up, but I still went to work. Almost a week after the nausea left I had chronic heartburn, more throwing up! Being somebody who has one of the best immune systems ever and never gets sick, it was a real shock. I know in the times I do get sick, I can get a little irrational and down on life. I felt like it nearly every day.

People around me were joyous and excited, while I was sick and wondering what was going on. I felt bad for not being excited.

And then I became like my husband and began reading articles, and this one really stuck out to me. We live in a negative world where people like to focus on negatives. This has become real to me as I have noticed some of the things people have said to me about my pregnancy. Some have been nasty, some have been just downright rude. And because I was swallowed up in my own pool of feeling unwell and negative I felt like my life was over (yes, someone actually said that to my face when I told them I was pregnant!). Which is a big fat LIE!

It has been important for me to identify this negativity though. Now that I can see it, I can deal with it. I want to be positive and I want my baby to be also. I want my child to be brought up in a loving, positive environment despite it being in the middle of a dark, gloomy negative world.

Being able to identify the sucky things about pregnancy is important, but dwelling on them isn't helpful. Therefore I have constructed a list of pros and cons. Later I'm going to look at these and laugh.

Sucky things about Pregancy

• Morning sickness.
• Becoming sensitive and picky!
• Being asked the same questions over and over: "will you find out what you're having"
• Awkward silences. "Do you know what you're having?" "Yes." *silence* (I don't want to tell you!)
• Suddenly becoming public property. Get your hands away from my stomach!
• People constantly asking me over facebook to post photos of my 'belly'. Sorry but even at 34 weeks I haven't got that round pregnant shape. If you really want to see it, come and see me!
• Being told off by people. Do they think I'm stupid?
• Being told how to feel, or how it's going to be.
• No Fetta Cheese, sashimi, beer, soft serve or runny eggs!
• Being exhausted
• Can't sleep!
• Urges to wake up early and rearrange cupboards and can't stop even though your Mum begs you to. (Sorry Mum!)
• Puffy fingers and feet. (Planning the next one for winter).
• Heartburn!
• Suddenly becoming open about all your private bits to everyone. (I never talk about those areas ever, and now everyone likes to ask about them!)
• Feeling guilty because you're convinced you should be happy all the time.
• Feeling housebound.

Great things about pregnancy!

• The first time you feel 'flutters'.
• The thought that your body is doing something pretty cool despite all the side effects.
• Buying incredibly cute little things.
• LITTLE SHOES! (I always used to love looking at little shoes.. Now I can buy them all!)
• Special treatment on public transport.
• Special treatment at work.
• Special treatment from husband... 
• Thinking about what the baby will look like. (Particularly exciting because I'm Caucasian and my husband is Chinese)
• Spending hours on Pinterest looking at cute things.
• Meeting friendly people at the hospital - I haven't met a Midwife or Pathology Nurse I don't like! (I'm looking forward to labour so I can be around these kind of people all the time!)
• Being incredibly clean & organised for once.
• Time off!
• Typing on my laptop and my baby kicking - likes the sound!
• Presents :)
• Reading 'Up The Duff' by Kaz Cooke. Genius!
• An excuse for anything! No unknown causes for any pain. It's all just the joy of pregnancy!

I'm sure there's more that I could add to the list. But I'm going to focus on the positives now. Everything happens for a reason and my Dragon baby is born for a time such as this!