40 days with Luke

Being married to an Indonesian always keeps me learning about different Indonesian customs and culture. In Indonesia, like many parts of Asia, when a woman has a baby there is a 'seclusion' period. This goes for 40 days whereby the mother and child stay in the house and are not permitted to venture past the back yard.

Being a self confessed Indonesian do you think I carried out this tradition? Hell no!

Luke went for his first adventure to Coles when he was five days old. That was just one day fresh out of hospital.

There is a great contrast between life in Australia and Indonesia. I remember when I taught high school Indonesian I would show pictures, then get the students to draw a Venn Diagram, comparing and contrasting life between the two countries. Since becoming a mother I can add so much more to this.

In Indonesia, family is close. It's not common to have relatives too far away. Even the neighbours are close and there is a real sense of community. Here, I live a good 8 hour drive from my family. My mum lives 3 hours from the closest airport, ours is a good hour away and is one of the worst for expensive parking and public transport. There isn't a sense of community here, it's something I miss about the country and wish now that I never took it for granted.

Bakso outside our house in Jakarta

In Indonesia, you are woken up at 6am by a man on a bike selling roti (bread). Throughout the day more food stalls pass your house: bakso (beef ball soup), bubur ayam (chicken congee), sayur (fresh vegetables), ice cream, sometimes even a man comes with a sewing machine on a bike to fix your clothes.

You can get your pants fixed by this man outside our house in Jakarta

In Indonesia labour is cheap. On top of probably having your Mum and a thousand aunts looking after you and the baby, you probably have a pembantu (maid) doing the washing and housework for you. And these people LIVE with you! In Indonesia, there is also a nanny available for just the mother - looking after her recovery and not even touching the baby. In Australia... well lets not go there. I was fortunate enough to have my Mum around for a few weeks.

So those people who desperately plea with me to get them a VISA to come to Australia, seriously ask yourself if it's worth it? Is it really a lucky country when you are alone and isolated if you don't have a strong community? Imagine people who live in the outback on farms, 50km from the nearest town.

So back to the 40 days thing. After 40 days generally as a celebration the new family take the baby out and visit the neighbours. They present the neighbours with kue lapis (an Indonesian layer cake) and red eggs to symbolise the baby now being ready for adventure.

Tonight I did just that.

Minus the red egg. Hendrik bought some Layer Cake readily made from the Indonesian Supermarket. (Kue Lapis takes forever and 30 eggs to make!)

We went and visited three the neighbours that we knew, as they were shocked that we were bringing them a present.

I gave them a picture of Luke and on the back wrote a bit of an explanation:

40 Days after a baby is born in Indonesia is considered as a time when the child and mother are ready to venture into the world outside the house. The parents celebrate this by offering cake to the neighbours. This cake is called ‘kue lapis’ (in English: layer cake). The cake has many layers, which represents layers of blessing, the same as what a child will bring as he enters the world.

Some Kue Lapis I ate earlier

Visiting the neighbours reinforced to me that I'm not completely alone. I'm not as isolated as I think, and help, and company, and an extended family is just next door.