Frequently Asked Questions

Nearly every person I meet asks me, "does he sleep through the night?"

Sleeping through the night? They are referring to my baby, by the way. What kind of 9 week old sleeps 'through the night'? Well, we once had him sleep from 10pm through to 5am but that was a complete one-off.

The second most frequently asked question is "do you have a routine"?

Last week Luke didn't sleep for 11 hours throughout the day. Straight. Yes, of course he was cranky. Funnily enough on that same day I went to my nurse appointment and they started talking about the R-word. Yes, routine. My parenting strategy seems to change each week.

The following day was the New Mothers Group. The topic of course is, yes. Routine!

The Nurse mediating our group had all of these 'suggestions'. First she goes around the group and asks each of us about our 'routine'. Every mother says that they have fantastic routines where the baby sleeps for most of the day... Then it comes to me, and I confessed that I don't have one.

It's not that I haven't tried. It's just that I live life a little on the wild side.

When I first had the baby the scariest thing for me was feeling isolated. We moved to the outer suburbs and while that in itself didn't bother me (I love living where we do), I don't know many people here. Prior to having Luke I was quite willing to drive hours to see people, wheras now I'm gradually getting more and more courage to visit people further and further away. (still not keen on public transport though, and some friends are really only accessible in this way - why not come visit me?)

Anyway, the Nurses here really push the eat play sleep thing. The problem is with me and routines is that I can be very obsessive. I have OCD. I like to sort things. When things become unsorted I get really anxious and lost. In fact I am admittedly so obsessive that I make Luke wait an extra 5 minutes to be fed because it hasn't passed the 3 hour mark. (That's a whole other story in stead)

The Nurse was telling us how we should swaddle the baby and put him/her in the cot. Every time. And to get into a routine I should invest staying at home for a week. This thought alone scared me.

So I went home thinking that suddenly I could pull a routine on Luke and it would work like magic. I fed him, and I played with him, then I swaddled him up and put him in the cot. No way. He wouldn't take any of that. After ages trying to settle him, it was time for the next feed.

Feeling like a complete failure, I sat on the couch feeding him. He fell asleep on one side and I had a cry. Luke doesn't sleep. Luke doesn't have a routine. I'm going to have to spend the next week inside the house and not go anywhere. Hendrik came home and found me in a mess on the couch, Luke asleep on my lap and my face all red from crying.

We talked about it and then continued the discussion at 1:30 am. To my relief we decided not to push the whole routine thing. I don't want Luke to be so structured. I want him to be flexible. I want him to be able to sleep anywhere. I don't want us to turn into a robot, never being able to go out because he needs to be in bed swaddled up. What nonsense. Where does one draw the line.

I can't move!!!

Time went on. Luke does have a sleep now. It is like the eat play sleep but relaxed. And that's what mothering babies has to be, relaxed. No two babies are the same and what the council says I should be doing is designed for some babies, not always my baby.

He is asleep right now. Not in his cot. On the lounge. And that's okay. I don't always have my daytime naps in bed either. I don't think he needs to be swaddled up if he's not in his pyjamas. He will happily sleep there and that's okay. It's about what works for us.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not against those people who are into the whole routine thing. I think routines are great, and particularly when he is older. Even I struggle when things are out of routine (hello having a newborn!)

Now I just need to change his routine. We all go to bed at around 10pm. He wakes at 1:30 for a feed, which is fine. He's still little and needs to eat. But every morning he's up at 5am, and I'm really trying to push it to 6.

ahh.. Routines shmootines.