Mum and Dad and Denny saw the passing-out parade at Puckapunyal
It was a long march from cadets.
The sixth battalion was the next to tour, and it was me who drew the card.
We did Canungra, Shoalwater before we left.
And Townsville lined the footpaths as we marched down to the quay
This clipping from the paper shows us young and strong and clean.
And there's me in my slouch hat with my SLR and greens.
God help me, I was only nineteen.
From Vung Tau, riding Chinooks, to the dust at Nui Dat
I'd been in and out of choppers now for months.
But we made our tents a home, VB and pinups on the lockers
And an Asian orange sunset through the scrub.
And can you tell me, doctor, why I stil can't get to sleep?
And night-time's just a jungle dark and a barking M16?
And what's this rash that comes and goes, can you tell me what it means?
God help me, I was only ninteen.
A four week operation when each step could mean your last one on two legs
It was a war within yourself.
But you wouldn't let your mates down til they had you dusted off
So you closed your eyes and thought about something else.
Then someone yelled out "Contact!" and the bloke behind me swore
We hooked in there for hours, then a Godalmighty roar
Frankie kicked a mine the day that mankind kicked the moon,
God help me, he was going home in June.
I can still see Frankie, drinking tinnies in the Grand Hotel
On a thirty-six hour rec leave in Vung Tau
And I can still hear Frankie, lying screaming in the jungle
Til the morphine came and killed the bloody row.
And the Anzac legends didn't mention mud and blood and tears
And the stories that my father told me never seemed quite real.
I caught some pieces in my back that I didn't even feel
God help me, I was only nineteen.
And can you tell me, doctor, why I still can't get to sleep?
And why the Channel Seven chopper chills me to my feet?
And what's this rash that comes and goes, can you tell me what it means?
God help me, I was only nineteen.
I Was Only Nineteen by Redgum
Luke likes falling asleep listening to the sound of the ABC radio. I think it could be because he likes the sound of people talking. I tune my iPhone in (providing we are in Wifi range) to it and lie down with him and listen. It's actually quite interesting. Oh gosh I'm turning into my Mother/Grandfather!
I can't remember when the first time was when I heard this song. I think perhaps in High School (because I think I also recall talking to my Grandpa about it). I remember feeling really something deep inside move me and I can't remember why and I still don't know why. I got this same feeling when it came on the radio as Luke slept soundly beside me.
Something about Australians dying overseas moves me to tears deep inside my heart. I don't know why. Often I've even denied the fact that I am indeed Australian. But I am big on celebrating ANZAC and Remembrance Days. The last verse chills me the most.
Interestingly, since I have really thought about this song I have actually worked at Pukapunyal - which is a really awesome school. You would just be teaching times tables when suddenly a bomb would go off and shake the windows. That was all in a days work.
I remember when the Bali bombings happened in 2002 and feeling incredibly disturbed as I had only been on my first ever trip to Indonesia months before, and would have walked past that night club. Alas I soon forgot about it. Then I went to visit Bali with my now husband in 2009. We walked past the shrine that now stands in the place of the nightclub where so many Australians (and Indonesians among other nationalities) died. It was just on nightfall, and the shrine was bright from the lights that shone around it and flowers were laid everywhere.
Something inside me felt.. dead. I could not explain it. But there was a deeper, spiritual, dead feeling inside me and I couldn't even swallow. I didn't think that seeing the memorial would make me feel this way but seeing it and being in it's presence, something was definitely going on! When I left I felt normal again. I never want to go back to Kuta to see it again. Thinking about how I felt that day still gives me chills.
Back to the song, I hadn't heard it in so long but the feelings it gave me are still so fresh. I got similar feelings when I heard the song Berita Kepada Teman by Ebiet G. Ade. It's about the Indonesian Tsunami. (Or at least it now is). I remember even crying because I felt so upset about the people who are now widows, orphans. I guess natural disasters have affected me as much as war.
Ahh. This blog post is a bit all over the place, sorry. I just heard this song and it struck something inside of me and I had to write. I don't even know if this makes sense. Oh well. Hit Publish. Now.
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