and on breastfeeding...

"Breastfeeding" by Erika Hastings
via www.redbubble.com

Now that I'm a mother these types of things may consume my blog. I can't believe how open you become about the most private parts of your body after giving birth.

Breastfeeding was something that I was always open about. I had heard of many people who couldn't get the hang of it, and I thought that if that was going to be me, so be it. I'm so happy it wasn't so.

My milk came in early. Like, 20 weeks early. When Luke was born I was expressing lots of milk, even the midwives were surprised I was like a cow.

When we first got home, Luke would feed for about 10 minutes and then sleep. For Hendrik and I, being extremely tired, we thought this was great. We would put Luke straight to sleep, only for him to wake up again 10 minutes later. He was generally unsettled.

When the midwife came to visit, she gave us a strategy: entree, main and dessert. We give him 'entree' on one side then change his nappy to wake him up (and oh does he love a nappy change!). After the nappy change we give him 'main', which is putting him on the same side. After that we give dessert (optional) where we offer him the other side. It worked really well, and having the big appetite he has, he usually has all three courses. We found he became much more settled after changing to this method.

Then suddenly, Luke got 'colic'. For those who have been fortunate enough not to experience a baby with colic, it is when a baby gets incredibly bad wind pain. The baby has a blood curdling scream, and often is inconsolable. It is incredibly stressful to hear screams like that and not being able to do anything. Unfortunately, this started at about 4 weeks, when Hendrik had gone back to work and my Mum went back home. I was so stressed and never knew what to do. The doctor thought I had Post Natal Depression but really I was just so upset from seeing my baby like this.

I believe the colic was caused by my flow. I have such a very fast flow. Sometimes Luke can't take it and pulls away, and I spray milk all over his face! Luckily, he has gotten bigger and better able to cope with what I've got. He spends the day much more settled and although he still cries (come on, he is a baby after all), he doesn't scream any more. It makes us feel much more at ease.

Breastfeeding for me is magical. It's a lovely quiet time. In the early days it helped me to bond with a screaming baby. I think it's what got me through those first wonder weeks.

I knew I was never comfortable with breastfeeding in public. Although there are a lot of advocates for breastfeeding in public, and I do believe we have the right to, I think there's an etiquette that needs to be followed. This factor has held me back from going out, having lunch with friends, and has made my life structured around a 3 hour routine. At home I have my big U shaped pillow to help me. Out in the big wide world I can't realistically carry it around.

My first breastfeeding experience was at Chadestone Shopping Centre, where I could discreetly use a mothers room. I have since blessed Knox and Fountain Gate with my breastfeeding presence.

I am slowly getting better at 'balancing' though. Last week at mothers group I had to breastfeed up against a wall to support myself and balance Luke on my knees. THIS week at mothers group I sat on the uncomfortable chair! In fact, on the weekend I fed Luke in a Chinese restaurant, facing the wall in a corner.

I'm so proud of my progress in flexibly feeding Luke I have invested in one of these:

A breast feeding cover! Now I can balance Luke on my knees wherever we go!

(Look at these funny cartoons about breastfeeding!)

Frequently Asked Questions

Nearly every person I meet asks me, "does he sleep through the night?"

Sleeping through the night? They are referring to my baby, by the way. What kind of 9 week old sleeps 'through the night'? Well, we once had him sleep from 10pm through to 5am but that was a complete one-off.

The second most frequently asked question is "do you have a routine"?

Last week Luke didn't sleep for 11 hours throughout the day. Straight. Yes, of course he was cranky. Funnily enough on that same day I went to my nurse appointment and they started talking about the R-word. Yes, routine. My parenting strategy seems to change each week.

The following day was the New Mothers Group. The topic of course is, yes. Routine!

The Nurse mediating our group had all of these 'suggestions'. First she goes around the group and asks each of us about our 'routine'. Every mother says that they have fantastic routines where the baby sleeps for most of the day... Then it comes to me, and I confessed that I don't have one.

It's not that I haven't tried. It's just that I live life a little on the wild side.

When I first had the baby the scariest thing for me was feeling isolated. We moved to the outer suburbs and while that in itself didn't bother me (I love living where we do), I don't know many people here. Prior to having Luke I was quite willing to drive hours to see people, wheras now I'm gradually getting more and more courage to visit people further and further away. (still not keen on public transport though, and some friends are really only accessible in this way - why not come visit me?)

Anyway, the Nurses here really push the eat play sleep thing. The problem is with me and routines is that I can be very obsessive. I have OCD. I like to sort things. When things become unsorted I get really anxious and lost. In fact I am admittedly so obsessive that I make Luke wait an extra 5 minutes to be fed because it hasn't passed the 3 hour mark. (That's a whole other story in stead)

The Nurse was telling us how we should swaddle the baby and put him/her in the cot. Every time. And to get into a routine I should invest staying at home for a week. This thought alone scared me.

So I went home thinking that suddenly I could pull a routine on Luke and it would work like magic. I fed him, and I played with him, then I swaddled him up and put him in the cot. No way. He wouldn't take any of that. After ages trying to settle him, it was time for the next feed.

Feeling like a complete failure, I sat on the couch feeding him. He fell asleep on one side and I had a cry. Luke doesn't sleep. Luke doesn't have a routine. I'm going to have to spend the next week inside the house and not go anywhere. Hendrik came home and found me in a mess on the couch, Luke asleep on my lap and my face all red from crying.

We talked about it and then continued the discussion at 1:30 am. To my relief we decided not to push the whole routine thing. I don't want Luke to be so structured. I want him to be flexible. I want him to be able to sleep anywhere. I don't want us to turn into a robot, never being able to go out because he needs to be in bed swaddled up. What nonsense. Where does one draw the line.

I can't move!!!

Time went on. Luke does have a sleep now. It is like the eat play sleep but relaxed. And that's what mothering babies has to be, relaxed. No two babies are the same and what the council says I should be doing is designed for some babies, not always my baby.

He is asleep right now. Not in his cot. On the lounge. And that's okay. I don't always have my daytime naps in bed either. I don't think he needs to be swaddled up if he's not in his pyjamas. He will happily sleep there and that's okay. It's about what works for us.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not against those people who are into the whole routine thing. I think routines are great, and particularly when he is older. Even I struggle when things are out of routine (hello having a newborn!)

Now I just need to change his routine. We all go to bed at around 10pm. He wakes at 1:30 for a feed, which is fine. He's still little and needs to eat. But every morning he's up at 5am, and I'm really trying to push it to 6.

ahh.. Routines shmootines.

My favorite places

For those who follow me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, you will know that I participate in a monthly photo a day challenge. It was created by a blogger whom I look up to, Chantelle (her blog - 'Fat Mum Slim').

I like doing this every day as it gives me a goal. Life can be repetitive with a newborn and this gives me something fresh to think about daily. Sometimes I use old photos, sometimes I actively search a subject. I then edit and publish via Instagram.

On the 19th of May the challenge was to capture my favorite place. But then I thought, I don't just have one favorite place...

Here are just a few:

1. Jakarta

Me at 'Monas' (Monument Nasional)
in Jakarta.

I always thought I'd hate Jakarta. I had only ever been to the airport when I'd been to Indonesia and that was just boring and hot! Then when I met my husband, I went there (as he is from Jakarta). I must admit I have a love-hate relationship with Jakarta. I like the malls, but they lack the true Indonesia I learnt to love. I love the food. I hate the traffic. But I really like getting together with family over there. Every time I come home I cry because I really do, deep down in my heart, love Jakarta. Usually when we are there we visit Bandung, and I really like the shopping there. There are lots of factory outlets. Although I'm beginning to get a little bit bored with it...

2. Pinnaroo

The Pinnaroo Post Office

Another place I have a love-hate relationship with. For those who don't know, it's a small town on the Victorian and South Australian border, on the South Australian side. It has a population of about 600 and is really on the road to nowhere. Significance? It's my home town. I lived there for the first 18 years of my life. And although it's so desolate and not much is happening there, it will always be home. And part of me always misses life there. I miss the small community but I don't miss the small town gossip. I miss going 'out bush' and to my friends farm for a bonfire. I miss going to Auntie Leanne's farm. I miss walking down the street and knowing everybody! I miss working for my Mum, and my Mum's house, the warm fireplace and the cat. It's a place that whenever I really want to go there I can't.

3. Bendigo

Sacred Heart Cathedral, Bendigo

This is a place of significance because I studied here for 4 years. I miss the community and the friends I had there. Unfortunately, time moves us on though, and we have all moved on with jobs and family. We do although have the odd catch up. I miss everything being so close handy. I think I'm always going to be a country girl. Things I love doing in Bendigo: walking, catching up with friends, being lazy, exploring the area.

4. In my car

Roy.. I took this photo to advertise him for sale

Or... my old car. This is my first car. I bought him off my Gran. He was my Grandpa's car when he was alive. My Grandpa's name was Roy, thus, my car's name was also Roy. Roy is a 1988 Toyota Corolla. He has an automatic transmission with no power steering and manual windows. I got him when I was 17, I had just got my P's (it was awesome living in South Australia) and he had barely done 80,000km. He was a tough car, and never cost a lot to fix. When I felt unwell I'd sit in Roy and I would feel better. I went so many places in Roy, we moved to Bendigo together, and I never wanted to sell him. Then I got pregnant, and we were looking at car seats and realised that Roy was not going to be practical. So then I sadly had to sell him. Luckily I sold him to my neighbour in Pinnaroo so I can visit him when I'm home! Now I have a 2007 Honda Jazz, and as much as it's a great car, it is no Roy. Even if I bought another corolla, they just don't make them how they used to!

5. At Church

From when the theme was '3D vision'.

I really like my Church. It's really big, and I never thought I'd like a big church. We connected with a 'Life Group' that met fortnightly on Thursday nights and really clicked well. I only just went back to Church last week, so 8 weeks after Luke was born. I had almost ruled out the thought of even going back, and began looking for something local, as I didn't now how I'd go about Luke being in such a big place. But I really enjoyed going back. We sat in the parents room where I drank coffee, sang with Luke and listened to the sermon while feeding on nice comfy couches! In fact, Luke is incredibly calm when we're at church. I even went to MOPS (Mothers of Pre Schoolers) yesterday which was awesome. I really love the 'community within the community' I've found there. (Which is awesome to find in such a big place!) I also really like the belief and heart this church has - a big view on social justice.

6. In my husbands arms.
Enough said. Home is were you are, honey. Love you!

Don't mind the stupid face from when we were younger.

40 days with Luke

Being married to an Indonesian always keeps me learning about different Indonesian customs and culture. In Indonesia, like many parts of Asia, when a woman has a baby there is a 'seclusion' period. This goes for 40 days whereby the mother and child stay in the house and are not permitted to venture past the back yard.

Being a self confessed Indonesian do you think I carried out this tradition? Hell no!

Luke went for his first adventure to Coles when he was five days old. That was just one day fresh out of hospital.

There is a great contrast between life in Australia and Indonesia. I remember when I taught high school Indonesian I would show pictures, then get the students to draw a Venn Diagram, comparing and contrasting life between the two countries. Since becoming a mother I can add so much more to this.

In Indonesia, family is close. It's not common to have relatives too far away. Even the neighbours are close and there is a real sense of community. Here, I live a good 8 hour drive from my family. My mum lives 3 hours from the closest airport, ours is a good hour away and is one of the worst for expensive parking and public transport. There isn't a sense of community here, it's something I miss about the country and wish now that I never took it for granted.

Bakso outside our house in Jakarta

In Indonesia, you are woken up at 6am by a man on a bike selling roti (bread). Throughout the day more food stalls pass your house: bakso (beef ball soup), bubur ayam (chicken congee), sayur (fresh vegetables), ice cream, sometimes even a man comes with a sewing machine on a bike to fix your clothes.

You can get your pants fixed by this man outside our house in Jakarta

In Indonesia labour is cheap. On top of probably having your Mum and a thousand aunts looking after you and the baby, you probably have a pembantu (maid) doing the washing and housework for you. And these people LIVE with you! In Indonesia, there is also a nanny available for just the mother - looking after her recovery and not even touching the baby. In Australia... well lets not go there. I was fortunate enough to have my Mum around for a few weeks.

So those people who desperately plea with me to get them a VISA to come to Australia, seriously ask yourself if it's worth it? Is it really a lucky country when you are alone and isolated if you don't have a strong community? Imagine people who live in the outback on farms, 50km from the nearest town.

So back to the 40 days thing. After 40 days generally as a celebration the new family take the baby out and visit the neighbours. They present the neighbours with kue lapis (an Indonesian layer cake) and red eggs to symbolise the baby now being ready for adventure.

Tonight I did just that.

Minus the red egg. Hendrik bought some Layer Cake readily made from the Indonesian Supermarket. (Kue Lapis takes forever and 30 eggs to make!)

We went and visited three the neighbours that we knew, as they were shocked that we were bringing them a present.

I gave them a picture of Luke and on the back wrote a bit of an explanation:

40 Days after a baby is born in Indonesia is considered as a time when the child and mother are ready to venture into the world outside the house. The parents celebrate this by offering cake to the neighbours. This cake is called ‘kue lapis’ (in English: layer cake). The cake has many layers, which represents layers of blessing, the same as what a child will bring as he enters the world.

Some Kue Lapis I ate earlier

Visiting the neighbours reinforced to me that I'm not completely alone. I'm not as isolated as I think, and help, and company, and an extended family is just next door.

Mothers Day

Me - 8 months.

So last Sunday in Australia, and most other parts of the world, it was Mothers Day. The reason I note that in most parts of the world, is because Indonesia celebrates Mothers Day on the 22nd of December. Now seeing that my son is half Indonesian, I expect that we will celebrate it again! (I can only hope...)

Usually I catch up with my own Mum some how every year. Last year we flew to Adelaide and had lunch on Rundall Street. I remember I had a Spring Valley orange juice. Silly how you remember things like that. Of course I wouldn't have known at that moment that I would be celebrating Mothers Day for myself the next year. I thought I may be pregnant, but no way did I think I would have my own baby.

I had been waiting for the Mothers Day weekend for a while. I was counting down. I loved spoiling my Mum with special gifts for Mothers Day, and it was suddenly my turn. We went to Bendigo, where I used to live while I went to university. I really miss that town, where everything is close, including friends, with a much tighter community. We met my Mum here, as it was kind of half way for all of us. We stayed overnight in a nice apartment, and had Chinese take away for dinner.

Luke was incredibly excited about mothers day. He woke me up at 1:30 am. I reassured him we would celebrate in the morning. He didn't want to sleep. He was way too excited. Once he got to sleep he did wake me up again at 5:00am.

We hid Luke in Nanna's bed with a present. He gave her a painting he made her (with my help, of course). Hendrik and I gave Mum a groovy Post-Box style mug we found in Sassafras (go there, beautiful place!). Then Hendrik and Luke gave me a present. An Asus ee-Pad transformer. (I'm still trying to get it to work though!)

Hendrik fetched a McDonalds Breakfast. After that we went to the Market Place to check out the shops there (like we don't have shops in Melbourne). It was really good because it meant I could actually go shopping without a baby strapped to me! I rang around Bendigo trying to find somewhere for lunch, and as it being Mothers Day, I couldn't find anywhere. So we had Jamaica Blue - food court style. But really, it was okay. I enjoyed being together with my Mum and family.

So that was my first Mothers Day in a nut-shell. I really loved it and can't wait to do it again.

I don't believe I ever appreciated my Mum enough. Since becoming a mother I have realised this. As a mother it means sacrifice. Sacrifice of your career, social life, sleep, and who knows whatever else. I always knew in the back of my mind having a baby would be hard work, but I never think you can truly understand until you actually have the baby and experience it first hand. When you become a parent, suddenly you appreciate your own so much more.

Furthermore, becoming a Mother has been difficult in knowing what to do. There is no baby manual. There is no right and wrong. Every baby is different and no book is written for every baby (unless there is a book that just says love them!). Since Luke's birth, midwives, nurses, friends, enemies and experts have all given me 'advice'. Some useful, some complete rubbish. But the best advice and practical help? It came from my Mum. Thanks Mum.

Birth Story: Chapter five

Chapter five - An End and a Beginning

A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a baby is born into the world. – John 16:21

It was 5:58pm. I didn’t expect everything to happen so quickly. I don’t know what I expected with the pushing phase. I thought perhaps three hours. One hour was all it took.

I didn’t expect that once the head was out the body just slipped out so quickly. I remember seeing a little body and I was shocked that it was already here. Before I knew it Kelsey had picked it up and placed it on my chest. What on earth just happened? I was a bit worried because the baby didn’t initially cry, but soon enough it did! I gave it a bit of a cuddle and it stopped and just gazed into my eyes.

Hendrik was on my shoulder crying, but then was staring at the baby as amazed as I was. I checked, it was a he. I felt an overwhelming sense of joy that I’d never thought I’d feel. I spent nine months thinking how my life would completely change and that I probably wouldn’t like it. I think I was around people that led me to think that way also. This all faded away when I looked at his little face (that didn't really look like me at all).

He was so incredibly adorable. I think I said this many times. I just wanted to wrap him up and go straight home with him and cuddle him all night. I was in love like I’d never felt before. I wasn’t in pain. Suddenly I felt a sting on my side. The midwife injected me with oxytocin which was to get the placenta out. I wasn’t too concerned. I was way too enthralled with the baby on my chest. When the placenta came out we stared at it, thinking, oh my goodness that is HUGE! (Bigger than the baby.. Where did I hide all of this?)

Hendrik cut the cord. Kelsey asked his name. I proudly said, “Luke”. Luke was born hungry. I’ve always been fascinated with how babies grab onto your finger really tightly. One of our first moments together when he grabbed my finger, and strongly pulled it into his mouth and began to munch away.

I kept saying over and over how adorable he was, like I was surprised about it. I could tell by the 20 week scan that he had Hendrik’s flat asian face. He looked a lot like Hendrik, with big Chinese eyes.

A midwife came in and said that they had to give me a few stitches. I freaked out. The only time I have had stitches was when I fell off the monkey bars in my first year of primary school. That was only 2 stitches and it was a traumatic experience. They said I could have some more gas they did it, but actually I didn’t feel it. Awesome. Free gas.

Then, we called my Mum. She was about to go to Adelaide to fly over the next morning. My Dad was excited, as was my friend Luke who we named him after.

I lied there with Luke on my chest for about 2 hours while Kelsey did the paperwork. A lady came in looking for me. She had my dinner. Just in time! I gave Luke his first feed, then Hendrik got clothes ready for Luke and I had a shower! I remember looking at myself in the mirror thinking how hot I’d just suddenly become. 

We moved to another room, which had a double bed meaning Hendrik could stay the night with us. I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to stay up all night looking at my gorgeous baby.

So this is the end of my birth story, but really the start of another. Even though my labour was long, the life after with a newborn is where the real challenges started.

The End.

Birth story: Chapter four

Chapter four: PUSH!

Suddenly I was screaming louder than before. I didn’t know that it could even be possible. Kelsey took a look and said that I had ruptured my membranes. That’s fancy midwife talk for waters breaking. I was beginning to panic. I had heard stories about the water being different colours meaning the baby was distressed. I asked that they were normal, they were.

I had the sudden urge to push. I began to scream. “I need to push, I wanna push!”

I could see the feet of the good looking doctor behind the curtain. I was feeling so miserable I almost told him to bugger off, but then thought I may eventually appreciate the extra company and set of hands (as long as they stayed away from ‘that’ area) later on.

Kelsey told me I needed to calm down, and that I couldn’t push until they checked me out first. I had some more gas and the head midwife, I think she is the boss, came in and told me to calm down. By then I had had some more gas and I looked into her eyes. They weren’t that lovely green colour like Kelsey and Jess’, but they were brown. Nonetheless I told her she had beautiful eyes also. Then Kelsey broke it to me that I couldn’t have gas when I was pushing. I was devastated.

They had to do another one of those invasive internals to make sure I was 10cm before I could start pushing. And this time I had to have two, to make sure. By this stage it didn’t hurt anymore. Thank goodness I was 10cm.

Kelsey asked what I was having. I didn’t tell many people what I was having when I was pregnant so I hesitated, but I told her that I was having a boy. She asked if I had a name picked out and I told her that I had, and it was a secret!

They raised the bed so that I could hang over the back of it. They said it would be easier to push this way and that gravity would help me through it. It was so hot and they made me take off all of my clothes. By this stage I figured everyone had seen everything so why not. I was still boiling. I asked if they could turn the heater off, but they said they had to keep the room really warm for when the baby came out.

I looked at the clock. It was about 5pm. I had no idea how long it would take to push the baby out. I actually doubted somewhat that I could, as I thought that because my Mum had me via C-section, it must automatically make me the same. The midwives didn’t understand that when I told them. This is the part when I started to push.

With every contraction I pushed like I was doing a poo. The midwives were cheering me on, saying, “put it into your bum! Yeah, that’s it!” Then they got a torch out and shone it where the sun doesn’t shine. “Wow, he has black hair like his daddy!” they said. The student doctor had to hold this thing to check the baby’s heartbeat against my stomach. It was so tight and uncomfortable but it had to stay there.

I think I may had done a poo. It felt like I was not getting anywhere, but the midwives assured me that the baby was definitely moving down. Throughout the course of the pushing, I thought about really random things, such as the tulips in Holland. Then I thought, maybe it’s not a boy. Maybe the sonographer got it wrong! She was a student, and it could have just been an umbilical cord in the way. I needed to get this baby out, because I needed to know.

Once I got near to the end of pushing, they made me change position – to my side, lying down. Hendrik was given the job of holding one leg up in the air. I asked him to put it on his shoulder so that it didn’t feel like it was going to fall. As I continued to push, Hendrik held my leg while the student doctor wiped my face and gave me sips of water.

Kelsey got an apron on. She told me to do little puffs and push very slowly. She told me it would sting. As I kept going I kept waiting for the sting. No sting, perhaps the baby is still a fair way off. I kept pushing and puffing, and just when I thought it’d be at least another half hour, suddenly the pressure was gone and I saw a whole body slip out…